Juggling Flaming What Nots While Blindfolded on a Unicycle or Why Trusting Seems So Hard

Do you ever feel like God is telling you to juggle flaming what nots on a unicycle while blindfolded?

I do.  Right now.

It’s like, I know that if God wants me to do something that I can totally do it because it’s really just me dying to myself to let him do it in me.  But seriously.  Juggling flaming what nots on a unicycle?  That’s just… too much.  I mean, WHO CAN DO THAT?!  No one.  I mean, clowns, but really no one else.  And he knows how I practically fall over every time I close my eyes while standing, so why would he even suggest such a thing.  And remember when we were taught to juggle in elementary school and it so did not happen for me?  AND ALSO WHY AM I DOING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

So all of these really critical questions are just spinning in my head and I find myself more angry that he wants me to do something so hard.

And yet, it has to somehow also be so easy, you know?  Like maybe I just need to trust him.

And it sounds really easy but it feels so hard.  To mix some metaphors here, it’s kinda like I’m on Dance Dance Revolution.  I don’t know the steps and I’m missing some and I’m no good at this and I just want to play nice and easy ski ball, okay???

I want to be faithful.  I want to be.

But to even be asked to be clued in to the why and the how feels faithless.  But I just don’t think I can do it.

If I don’t know how, I’m going to fail.

And I’m failing.  I’m dropping the what nots and I’m steering off course and I’m petrified to take off my blindfold because the reality is so hard to deal with.

…

But it’s all comin’ back to that manna, you know?  It’s all coming back to to trusting God right here, right now.  Swallow this bite and know that there will be another.  And it’s not like he’s gonna give you poison, either.  He’ll give you the grace to take the bite.  It may seem bitter, but maybe your tastes are a bit off.  It’s supposed to taste like honey.  His provision is sweet.  If it tastes like fermented vomit in your mouth, maybe it’s because your perspective is a little off.  Maybe you’re into the delusion that you actually provide for yourself.

…

Believe it or not, if he’s asking you to juggle flaming what nots while blindfolded on a unicycle, you’re going to be able to do it.  It won’t be entirely based on your abilities either.  It’s just going to happen is some magical, overwhelming way so that you know, in the depths of your soul, that God is going to provide a way for you.  You know that it wasn’t just you.  You know that you’re not alone.

You’ll be able to look back on this one day and really see, again, that it isn’t about you or what you can do.  It’s about obedience.  It’s about grace.  It’s about faithfulness.

Not yours.  His.

And one day, maybe, you’ll be at peace with that.  You’ll be at peace with yourself.   You’ll be at peace with him.

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